Writer's Block

What really sparks me about doing this NaNoWriMo challenge is the fact that I don't have to let anybody read it.

Kelly gave me the idea for another cool name for my novel, Shrink Wrap.

I thought about making the psychiatrist a she. When I first decided to write about a psychiatrist, though, the guy was a he. So I think I'll stick with that for this book. Exploring a woman psychiatrist would be interesting, though. I have only met one woman psychiatrist (I think she was anyway), and she was so unusual that she would make a good book.

My main charachter is normal; it's the rest of the world that's wacko. He has a "savior" complex where he thinks he is going to rescue the world. Sort of like that guy that joined Alaska Living that time and wanted us to send him money so he could ride his motorcycle to Alaska and save the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge single handedly. (Hey! There's an idea for another book.)

When Jody first used the phrased "meandering flooded stream" (referring to a plot without a point), it immediately made a picture in my mind of a woman lying on a couch doing one of those free association tests --what I picture Sigmund Freud doing for psychoanalytic therapy. That's where I got the idea for "Meandering Flooded Stream (of consciousness)".

Who knows? Maybe by the end of the book, one of his patients will be the main character?

My enthusiasm is slowly building for the prospect of anywhere-I-want computing. When it was time to go to bed last night, I took the laptop with me. I had a lot of ideas and as they would forumulate, I would grab up the laptop and type my heart out. It is sort of a precursor to my NaNoWriMo novel, Flooded Stream of Consciousness.

My novel idea is based on the exciting adventures of a new, so-far nameless, psychiatrist and his patients. I've been reading up on psychotherapy, and it brings to mind all sorts of plot twists and turns. At least one of my characters will be doing the free association type of therapy.

I am chomping at the bit to get started. I am determined to not type the first word until November 1. In the meantime, I'm doing lots of background reading to have my head full of ideas.

My writing mentor once told me that he took new ideas and let them percolate on the back burner of his brain. Lately, I've been reading lots of books about psychotherapy to get ideas for my new novel.

One book that I'm reading is Therapy by Joyce Hauser Ward. I'm typing notes into my new laptop. I'm learning some really valuable information. I'm reading another book about eating disorders, but I'm not following the reasoning very well.

I load my brain with information, and then I see what percolates to the top.

My sweet husband has been insisting that I have a new laptop for our anniversary. I spent hours looking at different brands and finally decided on a Dell.

So, I ordered a new Inspiron 8600 laptop this morning. I was able to get almost all the features I wanted except it is heavier than I would like. Keith wanted a big screen and you can't have that and light weight, too.

We'll see if I type any Perils of Pamela incidents with it.

I guess what it boils down to is --do I want to write a book about suicide? My gut says no.... but it would tie the stories together. I think I'll put that first chapter on hold until I see where the story goes. I'm very excited about the flooded stream of consciousness concept, though.

Since the goal of NaNo is productivity, quantity, I have no intention of worrying about anything other than getting words down on paper. (or computer screen)

I generally get so bogged down in obeying all the rules of writing that I never finish anything I start. A big example of this is the first novel I wrote which is still on my old computer's harddrive.

Maybe after I do this, I'll go back to work on it.

I have a new idea of how to begin. I have been thinking of starting my story with the ending, and then write the rest of it as a flashback to see how you get there.

Chapter 1 is the doctor finding out one of his patients has committed suicide, but you don't know which one it is. Then you read a chapter about each patient, and then at the end it is revealed who it was. As you read about each patient you are guessing, is it this person or not?

At this point, I don't have a patient who commits suicide in mind. So maybe I don't know who it is either until I get there.

Does this sound too cliche?

I like twist endings, so I know I'll come up with something that nobody expects.

I wrote to the Alaskan Writer's group:

I've finally found a main character, a psychiatrist. I chose a name for him, and whaddya know, it turns out to be the name of an administrator at Fairbanks Memorial Hospital!

I've never written fiction before. I don't even read much fiction.

I'd like to get out all the stuff that is bogging down my thinking. So I'm going to have my patients go to the psychiatrist and unload. ;)

From what I know about basic plots, you need a main character, the protagonist. (Why he has to have such a weird name is beyond me. What's wrong with calling him the main character?) Then you need the antagonist. This is the character that is in opposition to the protaganist. It sounds like two guys fighting over something. The something is the plot.

Your plot needs a beginning, middle, and end. The beginning introduces your characters and describes the setting. Some sources recommend that you know the end before you start. The middle is the story, the fighting. Then the end is the resolution of the fight.

None of this fits with my idea. So I'm left wondering if I'm really writing a notel or not. Then again, the goal is quantity. So I'm not going to sweat it.

I should never check twelve books out of the library at the same time especially when they were culled from over thirty books. Every one of them looks interesting and have passed my readability test. Before I check out a book for pleasure reading, I open to somewhere in the middle of the book and read a page. If the writing style absorbs me immediately, then I know I will enjoy reading that book.

Well, I have twelve books like that now. I'm like a kid in a candy store. I can barely decide which one to read first. I'll read a few pages in one, and then my mind is wandering off to another one. I pick that up and then off I go to taste the next one.

Last night I asked myself, "What is it that you really want to know about this topic?" I checked out these books to find out pertinent details about psychiatrists and their patients. One of the books is the story of a teenager who is locked up in a state mental hospital for being hateful to her mother, skipping school, and taking drugs. I decided to stick with that one (for now --the other books are still calling my name).

My Great-Aunt Grace was put in a mental hospital when she was a young mother. She spent most of her life there until she was moved to a nursing home. She lived her adult life in captivity. As a result, I've always been afraid of the psychiatric community. I've always felt that they would suck the life right out of me if I gave them a chance. One theme of this book will be facing my fears.

I want to put a human face to a psychiatrist. I want to prove that he is a real human and not some monster that wants to see me behind bars. I have always pictured psychiatrists as atheists. As a result, I fear that psychotherapy would suck God right out of my head, too.

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment. When the doctor entered the exam room, he asked me,

"What have you been up to lately?"

I told him, "I'm going to write a novel in November." He acted appropriately impressed.

I told him my idea about psychiatry and the meandering flooded stream. I like puns so I was trying to explain the pun in Powers That Be. "My main character is Mike Powers," I said.

"Really?" He acted surprised. "The administrator at the hospital is named Mike Powers. Why are you naming your character after him?"

I really did make up the name. I can't believe the coincindence. I wanted a name that went with Mark that started with a P. When I came up with Powers, I thought of the power of change, the power of psychiatry, but Mark Powers sounded clumsy because of the two r's. So I kept saying, Mike Powers.

Now that I know about the real Mike Powers, do I have to change it? My second choice is Mark Preston, but then I have to give up on all the neat puns. :(

After the examination, he said, "I'd like to read your novel once it's finished," as he went out the door.

I was appropriately impressed that he remembered.

Today I decided to do something about my potential to run out of steam. I went to the library and did some research.

I was being a smart aleck when I took the title "Meadering Flooded Stream", but I'm really growing more and more attached to that title.

I am writing about a psychiatrist who finally goes into private practice. The book will be about his patients mostly, with asides about his family. Making up patients is the fun part. I was going to have each chapter be a different patient.

My research at the library was about psychiatry. I was trying to find out how long it takes to become a psychiatrist. While I was looking for that information, I found a bunch of books (maybe 30) that all inspired me in my topic. I thought, "Each book would get me going again if I came to a lull in writing."

I made myself pare down the list to 12 books, mostly because that's all I could carry. I put the rest of them back to be re-shelved.

One of the books is the complete works of Sylvia Plath's husband, Ted Hughes. It's a huge book, and it was in the library's new book section. I recognized his name immediately, and I was very curious about his poetry. I looked for a poem about his reaction to his wife's suicide. I didn't find any.

Mostly I didn't like it. He writes free form, and it reads more like prose than poetry to me. However, I looked for poems about water, rivers, and streams to use to head my chapters. I found several good quotes. I wrote them down until I discovered it was too much to write. So I checked out the book.

Since Sylvia Plath's book, The Bell Jar, is the inspiration for my novel, I think it would be appropriate to have her husband's poetry carry the theme. The theme is a stream.

I wonder, "How much planning should I do before I start writing the novel?"

How many pages is a thousand words?

I made a test document with a 1,000 words. It was prose in paragraph form. 796 words were on one page; so 1000 words did not fill 2 pages. Of course, the length of the pages are going to vary according to how much dialog and white space is on each page.

At the rate of 796 words per page, the 50,000 words will be about 63 single-spaced pages using Times New Roman size 12 font.

Piece of cake!

The prospect of writing 50,000 words is so exciting. I will be curious to see where the story goes. I'm getting more of an idea of the structure I intend to write, but I really want to let the story flow. Then I'll follow the story along. Whatever happens, it doesn't matter. That is so cool! I expect my story will be way different that I'm envisioning now.

I hope I'll be able to sustain this excitement and energy until I finish! I tend to be a big starter, but sometimes I lose steam before I'm finished.

I've decided to write what is aching to be said. I'm looking forward to a catharsis. We'll see if that's enough of a driving force to type 50,000 words.

I resonated with this blog entry:

"Thinking is what makes you a good writer. (And sometimes not thinking makes you a good writer, too.) Writing is drawing connections between things, making combinations and then showing them to us." ~ cybele in Fast Fiction

cybele is the moderator of one of the forums at NaNoWriMo.
She labels herself a binge writer in her blog where she compares the process of writing to baking a recipe.

Even when you are not writing, you are writing.

I have surprised myself at all the ideas that pop into my mind. I'm not saying any of these thoughts make any recognizable plot. Just thoughts. I even dreamed of an idea. I have very vivid dreams. I could make a book out of those.

Nobody has to read this book we are writing. You don't even have to share the word count until the end of the month. In the rules, it said you could take your novel and encrypt it before you send it to the word counter. After the words are counted, the novels will be deleted by the NaNoWriMo site.

So we can write in complete confidentiality if we want. I can write my own truth. That in itself should be a liberating experience --the push to write a lot of words without fear of being judged for what comes out of my mind. I have a lot of pent-up 'stuff' that may come out whether I plan it or not.

At the end of the challenge, we can decide to share or not to share. I may publish excerpts during the month, but only those that feel safe to share. By safe, I mean not embarrassing to me or anybody else I care about.

My biggest trial will be my own compulsion to correct my work. I've never written without checking my spelling and grammar during the process.

I have thought of a few ways to begin. The first sentence. I have even considered starting with the second chapter. I could type "Chapter 2" as my first words and then go back later to fill in the beginning after I see where the path leads.

I've been pondering the idea of writing about a psychiatrist and how he deals with different patients as well as working in time with his wife and children. I see a lot of different situations that could arise. I don't think I'd run out of material on this topic.

I was looking at different names for the main character. A one or two syllable name would be best, a last name that starts with "P" for psychiatrist. Then I thought of Powers for the last name. For first names, I considered Adam, Seth, John, Nathan, and Mark. I like Mark Powers, but as I say it several times, the two "r's" seem to trip over each other, and I want to say, "Mike Powers". Hmm... Michael Powers. If his middle name was Anderson, then his initials spell M.A.P.

Even though I still like the Meandering Flooded Stream, I have a second title mulling around in my head.

The Powers that Be - My Life as a Psychiatrist

I think it would give me lots of fodder to work with. I've never been a psychiatrist before. Should I write it in the first person? The title sounds like a first person narrative. I don't really want to do that. Can I keep from jumping around in my point of view? I want it to be from his POV, not the patients. I envision mostly women patients; so I'll have to be careful not to jump to their POV.

My brain has been going a mile-a-minute with ideas about the. I find it so exhilerating, the prospect to let ideas flow without filtering them first.

I may even make the whole thing a stream of consciousness exercise to empty my head of all the cobwebs and thoughts knocking around in their cluttering up my inner file cabinets --my meandering flooded stream of consciousness.

I feel like those horses at the track that are chomping at the bit to get out of the gate. There are 25 more days to go until we start.

Hmmm... maybe I should do some laundry. ;)

I filled out my profile on the NaNoWriMo site. I decided to add a bit about my title:

Meandering Flooded Stream
...a psychological thriller about a drop of water that breaks out of its humdrum existence in a puddle to head a revolution of molecules that want to take over the river.

It looks like I definitely want to write something about psychology.

Jody wrote to the group that she learned from "writing a few novels that meandered worse than a flooded stream." Those words, meandered and flooded stream, struck a chord. I've got a title for my NaNoWriMo novel.

Meandering Flooded Stream

I joined the challenge today.

I've got lots of novel ideas swirling around in my brain. How shall I focus on what I want to write for the NaNo Challenge? How do I decide on a concept? characters? plot points?

I would be doing it to shake myself out of my rut. If a book comes of it, then that would be a bonus.

Can we write about anything? Does it have to be a novel?

In the Alaskan Writer's group, Jody told us about the National Novel Writing Month challenge. The goal is to write 50,000 words during that 30-day period. Quality doesn't count, only quantity.

Lani Rich wrote a novel during a previous challenge, and now it is published.